The other night I got an email from the guy who runs Frumster. It went like this:

From: "Ben Rabizadeh"
To: Ari
Date: Sun, 19 Feb 2006 22:29:50 -0500
Subject: Hello Aryeh

Aryeh,

We'd like to talk to you about an interesting proposition. It's not
what you might think it is but I think you will find it interesting
nonetheless.

Can you meet us in our office this week?

Ben

Ben Rabizadeh
Director of Business Development
Frumster, LLC

What does this mean for the future of TwentyfourSix.com? Is there the possibility of some collaboration in the works? Who knows. We'll see what happens!

Last night I attended an event at the JCC in Manhattan, titled "Modern Orthodox Perspectives of the Singles Crisis" here are the details of the event:

Jewish Town Hall: The Shidduch Crisis Revisited

Modern Orthodox Perspectives on the Singles Crisis
Modern Orthodoxy-like the rest of Orthodoxy and, in fact, the entire
Jewish community-is facing a singles crisis. Some aspects of this
problem, as well as ways in which it is being addressed, are unique to
Modern Orthodoxy as distinct from both the Charedi (ultra-Orthodox)
world and the Jewish community at large. Our panel of experts will
address issues such as:
* Is there a distinctive Modern Orthodox approach to
dating/shidduchim?
* When is it ethical to date more than one person at a time?
* How do we decide what criteria are really important to us in a
partner?
* What can be done in the Modern Orthodox community, within a
halachic framework, to effectively address the singles issue?

Panelists will include Rabbi Dr. Tsvi Blanchard, Dr. Nomi Mark,
Chananya Weissman of End the Madness, and Marc Goldman of Saw You at
Sinai.

It went as expected, the panelists each had an amount of time to give their thoughts on the matter followed by a question and answer session. The psychologists mentioned how people are starting their lives later, this, that and the other. Chananya Weissman gave out an outline of different ideas and things for people to work on and do to start helping the situation. This is the right thing to do. Explain what and how people can do to help. Although some of his ideas I completely disagree with. Marc Goldman retold a story that I missed, but I would have liked to
have heard because he usually has great ideas and totally on the mark.

During the question answer session I sat quietly wondering whether to get up and say who I was, what I do, etc and give my input and comments. I generally don't pipe up in public because I'm not one who enjoys public speaking or being the focus of everyone's attention.

Someone in the audience however, asked why all the major sites and organizations get together to cooperate with each other. This was something I wanted to chime in on, because just a few days over a year ago this is what actually was tried. The Orthodox Caucus invited a nice list of who's who in the world of Jewish Dating and Singles to try to see if we can all cooperate on something and come up with some idea that we can all together work on and participate in. Unfortunately nothing came of it. In fact sitting there it was obvious that some people were very happy and excited to try to work on something and brainstorm about ideas while others were quite hesitent to particpate. It turns out that the people on the panel last night happened to be those that earnestly wanted to try to do something and I wanted to mention that, and also mention that the although it is a nice idea trying to get businesses with agendas to cooperate with their competitors is a pretty complicated task.

I raised my hand to comment and when I was called upon, I introduced myself and explained that I work on a number of projects, many of which deal with trying to help people connect with each other. I mention some of the sites, and then go on to explain my thoughts about trying to get businesses to work together for an Idealistic goal. Unfortunately the moderator cut me off while I was speaking and almost refused to let me continue. If it wasn't for the others in the audience who vocally objected and asked to let me finish I wouldn't have been able to say what I had to say. In fact she cut me off before I even made my point to say that these were the people who were looking to be involved and try to help and it is unforunate that other companies weren't. I managed to get that out while I was allowed to speak again, although it confused many people or atleast some of the panelists who didn't know whether I was attacking them or applauding them. At one point the moderator said to me, "Why don't you go and do something then!" to which someone else shouted, "He has! That is what he is saying!"

After responding to the cooperation remark I did also wanted to comment on the ideas that Chananya distributed. One of them asks that bands turn down the music so singles can talk at weddings. I'm really sorry, but I disagree with this. Weddings are weddings first and foremost. They may be great opportunities to meet others, but it is still a wedding and it shouldn't be planned around being a singles event. It's unfortunate that to some, weddings seem to be the only kosher singles events and the solution wont be adapting the wedddings to make them into better singles events. It's making other single events kosher or appealing.

Another one of his ideas was to educate people earlier on how to date and how to be married. I mentioned that I don't know one person who was educated on how to date or how to be married. And I don't think it is something you can even teach people. This about learning how to be social. How to communicate and relate to other people in general. It's learning how to be normal. I recall a large murmur as I said this. I then went on to try to explain that this idea of identifying a problem and thinking the solution is to try to fix it after the fact is going about it all wrong. Someone mentioned about dealing with it for college students, but the truth is dealing with it at that stage is trying to constantly undo what is constantly being done. To fix the problem you have to address it earlier. Children as they grow up have to be taught how to interact with others, and communicate with others. You can't teach boys and girls that it is a sin to look at each other and then expect them to be able to socialize properly when you decide it's time.

After the Q/A session and people got up, many came over to talk to me about the projects etc. A number of people came by to say that they were happy I spoke up and didn't think I said anything bad for the moderator to jump on me. Some gave me a shkoyah for saying my piece, and others wish a mazal tov for the recent engaments on the site. I walked over to the panel to apologize and explain if it didn't come across that I wanted to applaud their efforts.

I went over to the moderator and she simply would not let up! Accusing me of this and that and even after I explained my point, and explained my remarks and explained that I was applauding the panelists she still wanted to argue with me. In fact even when I agreed with her she pursued arguing. She then turned to accusing me of grandstanding and advertising my sites etc. I explained that generally when people remark at discussions if they happen to participate in something that deals with the situation at hand they introduce themselves and explain who they are and what they do. Yet she continued to admonish me for selling my projects from my seat. I'm really not sure what the issue was. If one person learned of my projects and it helped them meet someone, is this a bad thing? Wasn't the purpose of the meeting to help people? I'm pretty used to getting beat down for trying to make my projects work but it was quite nice to have many people come over to me and simply say that they were happy I said what I had to say.

Just to preface, the person involved in this exchange first signed up and refused to fill out his essays properly. When he finally did, he then started sending out invitations to gibberish addresses instantly bouncing 10 messages. After seeing this, I left a message on his screen that read: "This is a warning "SamDeMan"... If you continue to abuse my site, I will revoke your profile. Either play by the rules or go abuse someone else's hard work, not mine! Thanks, ari." The following is an email exchange that followed.

From: Shmuli
To: support
Date: Mon, 16 Jan 2006 20:48:00 -0500
Subject: Re: [KosherStars.com] I just activated your profile ... SamDeMan (3867)

i am wondering about your rules. i am a a descreet older single person
living in new york. i have enough computer skills to outsmart your
system. but i am wondering about this five referrel program. as far as
i am concerned you have a great site, that if i see that i go out from
this website i would have no problem reffereing other to your website.
i am a dedicated member on sawyouatsinai. i am a gold member. i paid
them a few lousy dollars(what is it about 50???) you think they got
rich from that? i go out from that website often. anybody who knows
me, knows about that website and in a good way. but i have never sent
out a link about sawyouatsinai to anybody. i am too many years on the
web, and that is not my style.

you want some dollars for your hard effort, go ahead, ask for it. but
you want me to send out referals thats not me. so aside if this email
being a recommendation, i am also letting you know the following: if
there is no other way, this will not be my way. and we can part here.

btw, for similar reason i removed my profile from other sites like
frumster and others.

thanks and plz lemme know,

sam

From: support
To: shmuli
Date: Mon, 16 Jan 2006 22:01:05 -0500
X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook CWS, Build 9.0.2416 (9.0.2910.0)
Subject: Re: [KosherStars.com] I just activated your profile ... SamDeMan (3867)

Sam,

You aren't the first to bring up this point, but perhaps you can be the first
to propose a good arguement as to why the policy of the site should change.

There have been members who have emailed me about the policy about this and
that. My biggest issue is that although this site is free of charge there is
absolutely no reason why members should have a right to only take from the site
and not give back. Especially if giving back to the site is so simple and easy.
Moreover, it makes absolutely no sense to argue that you want the site to be
a success and help you yet you'd try your hardest to not help it at all.

My experience with you is that you signed up and couldn't spend the 3 minutes
to write essays - or cut and paste them from your other memberships. Then
when you do add them, and I turn on your profile, you try to circumvent the
system. Forgive me if I don't feel the urgency to make you a deal so you don't
have to play by the rules. At least those that didn't like the rules emailed
me about them and proposed alternatives, instead of trying to get around
them.

I'm glad you feel you are a wily fellow, and feel you can outsmart me. These
words truly upset me because this site is a product of my spare time, and I have
better things to do with my time then chase down you selfish immature characters.

My job here isn't to make you a deal. You are free to suspend or delete your
profile at any point. If you choose to use the site, I expect you to act like
a mature adult, and it goes without saying that you should display honorable
midot not aspirations to be selfish and steal my time.

Kol Tov,

ari

At this point I actually went and revoked his profile. Then actually decided that I should be giving him a chance, and went and undid it and restored his profile 10 seconds later.

From: Shmuli
To: support
Date: Mon, 16 Jan 2006 23:24:24 -0500
Subject: Re: [KosherStars.com] I just activated your profile ... SamDeMan (3867)

if i would have to guess i would say that i am emailing a bot. i think
that i am wise guy. would i try to reason with you if i was trying to
hurt you? but as i stated this is a bot. if and when a real person
gets to read this, i hope they will be embarrased.

you think i am emailing to cut a deal??

what the heck,

sam

For the record, he wrote in his email, "i am also letting you know the following: if
there is no other way, this will not be my way. and we can part here." That is asking to cut a deal. Anyway, at this point I went and re-revoked his profile.

From: support
To: Shmuli
Date: Mon, 16 Jan 2006 23:28:14 -0500
X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook CWS, Build 9.0.2416 (9.0.2910.0)
Subject: Re: [KosherStars.com] I just activated your profile ... SamDeMan (3867)

Goodbye. Perhaps this bot is smarter then you think.

ari

From: Shmuli
To: support
Date: Mon, 16 Jan 2006 23:31:14 -0500
Subject: Re: [KosherStars.com] I just activated your profile ... SamDeMan (3867)

i see, revoked. ok, now we are even.

sam

From: Shmuli
To: support
Date: Mon, 16 Jan 2006 23:38:48 -0500
Subject: Re: [KosherStars.com] I just activated your profile ... SamDeMan (3867)

off the record. i would like to ask you for forgiveness. i don't need
to the membership, but i don't want to go to h**l for stupid things
like this. please forgive me. a no reply will be understood as a sign
forgiveness.

hatzlocho raba,

and thanks,

sam

And no, I don't forgive this selfish, arrogant, ass.

Ok, here is the events as they transpired:

2005-12-15 21:59:12: Memeber uploads a photo of themselves

2005-12-15 22:01:31: I resize and fix photo, and post it to his profile

2005-12-15 22:12:31: I get an email screaming at me for posting his photo on his profile:

Are you crazy or what ? What the f---- is this take it down right away.. And please do not ever put up a photo or anything with out my permission. Thank you I appreciate your help but I'm not that desperate to put up posters yet.

Is this person for real?!? I mention that I posted the photo that he uploaded, to which he responded that it was "a total confusion it happened by mistake." How do you upload a photo by mistake? I'm sorry I didn't realize he was uploading the photos he didn't want me to post on his profile.

Most of you who have uploaded photos in the past know that I'm pretty prompt about updating and posting photos that have been uploaded. I typically average between 5 and 15 minutes in turn around time from the time you first upload the file until it goes onto your profile. And this is around the clock. I'm thinking that I should start clocking out at 6 and leave work like this at 10:00pm to be handled the next morning.

So, I post comments every now and then on Chananya Weissman's site at endthemadness.org. I typically leave the kosherstars.com hostname in the contact/email field because I typically refrain from putting email addresses in regular text online. In this fashion there is a way to actually contact me by following the site name I provided and I don't have to publish an email address on the site to get picked up by spammers.

The other day I looked at one of the posts I submitted and realized that the site name wasn't listed with the post. I figured I forgot to put it in or something. Last night I submitted another post and I'm almost positive I made sure to add the url, but this morning the post doesn't have it. Maybe I'm dreaming but it looks like a moderator is dropping the site name from my posts. Perhaps I'll drop chananya an email and ask what's up.

I hate to moan and cry as if everyone just wants to make it hard for me, but sometimes I just really get that feeling. Hmmmmmm, maybe I'm just crazy and making all this stuff up in my head!

This is one of the funniest spam viruses I've gotten in a long time!

From: Admin@cia.gov
To: kosherstars.com
Date: Thu, 08 Dec 2005 16:08:17 UTC
Subject: Your IP was logged

Dear Sir/Madam,

we have logged your IP-address on more than 30 illegal Websites.
                                                
Important:
Please answer our questions!
The list of questions are attached.

Yours faithfully,
Steven Allison

++++ Central Intelligence Agency -CIA-
++++ Office of Public Affairs
++++ Washington, D.C. 20505
++++ phone: (703) 482-0623
++++ 7:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m., US Eastern time

The past week or so I've been putting together a forum section for the site. It looks like it is about 90% done. I'm already getting busy with other items, and rather then letting this sit (or I guess finishing it properly) I'll post it up, and let people use it and play with it. Hopefully it won't break or explode!

Enjoy,
Ari