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Finally candid answers to all those important and sometimes embarrassing Jewish dating questions!!! Presenting the debut column of Frumma Frumsky. Ask Frumma all your questions that have yet to be answered properly and honestly by someone who actually knows what religious singles truly have to deal with and understands how to deal with
these issues.
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Subject: Looks or PersonalityDear Efrum and Frumma, |
Hey, Boy with Heart, <p> In a Utopian Society, we would be able to make a combo of both and presto! Perfection. Been there, thought about it, ended up with a sheep that was "kovaya eetim." Looks are important, and especially for your gender, there has to be the initial attraction, unlike females that can have looks "grown on us like a fungus" if the personality is in place. PG(Pretty Girl) will stimulate you...until you get bored. Then there is real life - when things get tough, when you need a partner that you can you can laugh and cry with. And yes, looks go. NC17(Nice chick) has something that lasts. You aren't repulsed by her. Do me a favor--dont get into 2 girls situations because you WILL compare. If PG was not in the picture, would you give NC17 more of a chance? I think you should get PG out of your screen, and try to spend more time with NC17, and see if she can be "the sleeping hit of the summer...or a better...an eternal blockbuster." If NC will make you happy, but PG is just great arm candy, I think the answer is pretty clear. That's my humble opinion. Frumma |
Lev, That's an easy one. I'll counter with the cliche that real beauty is on the inside. As you grow with Personality Gal, your love will blind you to her physical imperfections and she will be as beautiful to you as Attractive Gal. On the flip side, a bad personality turns even a knockout beauty ugly. What you need to do is call Attractive Gal and gently explain that while you've enjoyed your time together, your own insecurities, ineptitudes, and genital herpes are simply too much to overcome. Then, suggest you have a friend who might be more compatible and give her my phone number. Efrum |
Comments:
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Efrum, while I do agree with your answer, I do have to say that while, yes personality is more important, you do have to be attractive to your wife physically also, or else you may turn away from her eventually or be ashamed to introduce her to other people, since you will be living with her for the rest of his life . singleabba 09/02/2005 PM | |||||||
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Dovidsabba: Your reply about attraction is so cliched male its so ridiculous. Being attracted to the person you are married to is not difficult (even if you are a MALE) when the person takes time to make themselves attractive to you in the ways that are important to you. (ie: if you like long hair they can grow theirs, if you like pink nails they can get a manicure) Just be open and kind to your wife and she will do her utmost to make you happy. And that cliche is true.
If the issue is that you will be ashamed to introduce her to your friends, which is the real issue I am finding for men these days, then really you should marry someone beautiful so that everyone will be very impressed. If you then don't want to go home at night because your home life is miserable you will only have yourself to blame. (or you can blame your friends or the importance of status but neither of those will help your own situation). Zeecil 09/08/2005 AM | |||||||
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If you are repulsed by someone then there is nothing to talk about. Beauty is simply one type of quality that people, perhaps immediately, translate as attractive. There are many aspects to a person which I feel can make them attractive. Some may not be immediately obvious while others develop over time. These other other qualities are just as important to your perception of attractiveness, and they actually do ultimately influence your idea of beauty aswell. Ari 09/08/2005 AM | |||||||
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Note: The views and opinions expressed here are that of Ms. Frumma Frumsky. They may not necessarily represent the opions of the site, staff or members. This section is meant to address issues in observant dating. The responses may include sarcastic remarks, or humorous statements intended to make light of the question, answer and perhaps the situation as well. We are not responsible if you decide to take or ignore the advice given in this column.
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