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Finally candid answers to all those important and sometimes embarrassing Jewish dating questions!!! Presenting the debut column of Frumma Frumsky. Ask Frumma all your questions that have yet to be answered properly and honestly by someone who actually knows what religious singles truly have to deal with and understands how to deal with
these issues.
Click here to ask Frumma a question! |
Subject: To kiss or not to kiss.Dear Frumma, |
Oh man. Okay. As a former very touchy feely person, I am "feelin' you,Dalia" - no pun intended. I metamorphosed into a female that is shomeret nigeah, and completely understand your predicament. It is very difficult to connect with someone when you are emotionally honest/vulnerable, and not have them hold your hand or give you a huge hug(which in my humble opinion can be even more intimate than a kiss). I can't say its easy. It is hellish. There was a time I was dating someone and was sitting there crying and asking him why he wouldn't give me a hug (for all you guys out there snorting--GROW UP!), but it was against his beliefs, and as much as he felt my pain, he didnt feel that it could stop at a hug for him. In hindsight, I understand that. Then, I thought either he wasnt into me, or he wasnt into females. Or both. I am not Rabbi Frumma, nor am I a Rebbetzin for that matter. I won't tell you to keep your hands to yourself until the yichud room and be a good girl because I personally may not be able to adhere to that. Some suggestions that may work for you would be to go to Build A Bear together on one of your later dates, and build a love bear, so that whenever you feel that you need to be hugged or the like, you have the love bear, This of course will double as a hate bear which you can beat up if you ever break up. Also remember that communication helps A LOT. Guys are not as clueless as we make them out to be.(I got paid for that. J/k) Tell him how you feel and what you need. Indulge in Ben and Jerry's (not too much though...) Get your friends to give you hugs. Speak to your Rabbi/Rebetzin. If you don't have one, perhaps find someone who you trust and can be open with discussing your religous concerns who will give you proper advice. In the end? Its you, your strength, asking God for strength, and clarity, and a very supportive "other". Good luck, and thank you for writing me. I don't know if this is a comfort to you - but many of my friends, including myself have struggled, and continue to struggle with this. Good Luck, Sincerely, Frumma |
Comments:
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I think it is okay to kiss if you don't have pre-marital sex. Anonymous - 11/14/2005 AM | |||||||
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no it is not ok - i think it is wrong, although definetly hard at times. Anonymous - 01/22/2006 AM | |||||||
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Note: The views and opinions expressed here are that of Ms. Frumma Frumsky. They may not necessarily represent the opions of the site, staff or members. This section is meant to address issues in observant dating. The responses may include sarcastic remarks, or humorous statements intended to make light of the question, answer and perhaps the situation as well. We are not responsible if you decide to take or ignore the advice given in this column.
Click here to ask Frumma a question! |
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