| Subject | Re | Created By | Start Date | Last Post | ||
| Jews of color | [21] | Bechirah | 17 Mar 19:23 | 20 Jun 17:20 | ||
| Feedback for Inappropriate Profiles | [12] | Anonymous | 16 Jan 23:07 | 5 Apr 11:24 | ||
| marriage & prostitution | [28] | SimpleMan | 13 Mar 14:57 | 4 Apr 20:01 | ||
| Evil plan to get more dates | [35] | Anonymous | 6 Jan 01:19 | 18 Feb 11:50 | ||
| Get together in Brooklyn | [2] | Single&Frum | 23 Mar 16:56 | 18 Feb 11:45 | ||
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Modern Orthodox Perspectives of the Singles Crisis |
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Last night I attended an event at the JCC in Manhattan, titled "Modern Orthodox Perspectives of the Singles Crisis" here are the details of the event:
It went as expected, the panelists each had an amount of time to give their thoughts on the matter followed by a question and answer session. The psychologists mentioned how people are starting their lives later, this, that and the other. Chananya Weissman gave out an outline of different ideas and things for people to work on and do to start helping the situation. This is the right thing to do. Explain what and how people can do to help. Although some of his ideas I completely disagree with. Marc Goldman retold a story that I missed, but I would have liked to have heard because he usually has great ideas and totally on the mark. During the question answer session I sat quietly wondering whether to get up and say who I was, what I do, etc and give my input and comments. I generally don't pipe up in public because I'm not one who enjoys public speaking or being the focus of everyone's attention. Someone in the audience however, asked why all the major sites and organizations get together to cooperate with each other. This was something I wanted to chime in on, because just a few days over a year ago this is what actually was tried. The Orthodox Caucus invited a nice list of who's who in the world of Jewish Dating and Singles to try to see if we can all cooperate on something and come up with some idea that we can all together work on and participate in. Unfortunately nothing came of it. In fact sitting there it was obvious that some people were very happy and excited to try to work on something and brainstorm about ideas while others were quite hesitent to particpate. It turns out that the people on the panel last night happened to be those that earnestly wanted to try to do something and I wanted to mention that, and also mention that the although it is a nice idea trying to get businesses with agendas to cooperate with their competitors is a pretty complicated task. I raised my hand to comment and when I was called upon, I introduced myself and explained that I work on a number of projects, many of which deal with trying to help people connect with each other. I mention some of the sites, and then go on to explain my thoughts about trying to get businesses to work together for an Idealistic goal. Unfortunately the moderator cut me off while I was speaking and almost refused to let me continue. If it wasn't for the others in the audience who vocally objected and asked to let me finish I wouldn't have been able to say what I had to say. In fact she cut me off before I even made my point to say that these were the people who were looking to be involved and try to help and it is unforunate that other companies weren't. I managed to get that out while I was allowed to speak again, although it confused many people or atleast some of the panelists who didn't know whether I was attacking them or applauding them. At one point the moderator said to me, "Why don't you go and do something then!" to which someone else shouted, "He has! That is what he is saying!" After responding to the cooperation remark I did also wanted to comment on the ideas that Chananya distributed. One of them asks that bands turn down the music so singles can talk at weddings. I'm really sorry, but I disagree with this. Weddings are weddings first and foremost. They may be great opportunities to meet others, but it is still a wedding and it shouldn't be planned around being a singles event. It's unfortunate that to some, weddings seem to be the only kosher singles events and the solution wont be adapting the wedddings to make them into better singles events. It's making other single events kosher or appealing. Another one of his ideas was to educate people earlier on how to date and how to be married. I mentioned that I don't know one person who was educated on how to date or how to be married. And I don't think it is something you can even teach people. This about learning how to be social. How to communicate and relate to other people in general. It's learning how to be normal. I recall a large murmur as I said this. I then went on to try to explain that this idea of identifying a problem and thinking the solution is to try to fix it after the fact is going about it all wrong. Someone mentioned about dealing with it for college students, but the truth is dealing with it at that stage is trying to constantly undo what is constantly being done. To fix the problem you have to address it earlier. Children as they grow up have to be taught how to interact with others, and communicate with others. You can't teach boys and girls that it is a sin to look at each other and then expect them to be able to socialize properly when you decide it's time. After the Q/A session and people got up, many came over to talk to me about the projects etc. A number of people came by to say that they were happy I spoke up and didn't think I said anything bad for the moderator to jump on me. Some gave me a shkoyah for saying my piece, and others wish a mazal tov for the recent engaments on the site. I walked over to the panel to apologize and explain if it didn't come across that I wanted to applaud their efforts. I went over to the moderator and she simply would not let up! Accusing me of this and that and even after I explained my point, and explained my remarks and explained that I was applauding the panelists she still wanted to argue with me. In fact even when I agreed with her she pursued arguing. She then turned to accusing me of grandstanding and advertising my sites etc. I explained that generally when people remark at discussions if they happen to participate in something that deals with the situation at hand they introduce themselves and explain who they are and what they do. Yet she continued to admonish me for selling my projects from my seat. I'm really not sure what the issue was. If one person learned of my projects and it helped them meet someone, is this a bad thing? Wasn't the purpose of the meeting to help people? I'm pretty used to getting beat down for trying to make my projects work but it was quite nice to have many people come over to me and simply say that they were happy I said what I had to say. If you attended this meeting I would love to hear your thoughts about it. Feel free to post anonymously. |
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| By: ♥Ari♥ | |
Comments:
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Sorry I missed the panel. It sounds like it would have been worthwhile attending. |
| Anonymous - zipgirl - 22 Feb 12PM |
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I don't believe there is a shidduch crisis in Yiddishkeit. There is a woman problem. Women think none of the men they meet are marriageable and go on from date to date that if the Moshiach parked his horse in their garage they would still find him inadequate. Too many Jewish women are chasing an ideal mate who does not exist. Since they have the veto power they create a crisis which wouldn't otherwise exist. When Moshe Rabbienu ended up marrying a shiksa, were there no women in Israel? |
| Anonymous - Surrealist - 20 Mar 2AM |
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I love Rabbi Boteach. He is on target in a lot of ways. I have a question which should possibly be posted on a separate thread. How do we know when we are ready for marriage? Perhaps people that claim they want to be married really don't want it. I'm not sure that I do. |
| Jennifer 9 Jul 11PM |
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Yeah, I agree with this contention that women are too picky. It takes two to make a match. Also, where does one find the Bnei Akiva/Modern Orthodox woman? Where I live, there aren't many if any of that type. |
| Jmnor55 8 Aug 6PM |
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Anonymous, your analysis on the shidduch crisis smells very strongly of a male ego, and a forever live attempt to blame everything on a woman. First of all, look at the stats. Currently there are 5 women per 1 guy in the frum world, and by the frum world I mean everyone who is at least Shomer Shabbat. That statistic already tells me that there is a shortage of men. And the sad thing is that a good number of men is aware of the current situation, and take full advantage of it. A lot of men want to date for the sake of dating and basically having a good time, in no rush to either date seriously, or make a real commitment. And why do you suppose that is? If I was to venture a guess, I would have to say it is because men realize what the demand for them is a lot higher for women, and therefore can enjoy themselves for as long as they can. After all, at the end of the day a 35 years old guy can demand 19 years old girl, and all the shadchans are going to be cool with that, and won't even think about suggesting that he considers dating someone closer to his age. Such attitude brings about yet another problem, women are expected to marry men who are much older than them. And G-d forbid a woman should object to going out with an older guy, the lecture about having a proper attitude will go on forever and ever. Many Jewish women are suffering while patiently waiting for a normal guy to come along, while men chasing after having a good time. |
| SpunkyRebel 4 Sep 11PM |
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Well at first it depends where do you live if in a big or little jewish community and how religius non religius is the community. Here in Milan we are not many so mostly go away and if they find the right person or you picked or who knows.... |
| Simply82 5 Oct 5PM |
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some of the women are definitely too picky. in my experience and so are some of the men. i m 56 and some women who are in their late 30 s or 40 s wont even go out with me either because of my age or i m just too short for them so they say.no one will ever find the perfect shidduch but there is way to much emphasis on gashmius!!! |
| Anonymous - 30 Oct 7PM |
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after giving it some thought i think the problem is definitely the jewish women. they don't give a guy a chance to grow on them. always cutting off the dates prematurely. my opinion only. |
| SimpleMan 4 Nov 7PM |
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Normal guy to come along? There are many normal guys but again the pickyness and the perfect mate syndrome still rules the planet. The nice guys are always getting stepped on and then they turn into haters. The never ending woman's complaint (ad nauseum) of "I can never find a nice guy". Trouble is you don't want them gals and that is the truth. One story is of a guy who went to visit a girl and she told him after 1 1/2 days that she couldn't see herself married to this guy. 1 1/2 days? when I heard this I was floored. So women can do that or have the special power? Wow so much for giving a guy a chance, well this guy now is the biggest a-h^le on the planet and you know what? he is pulling in more girls than he was when he was a sweet and nice man. What a concept. This has nothing to do with being within the male ego it has to do with reality/ |
| JEWBAN518 1 Dec 5PM |
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i would love to meet a great guy but there arent that many places to look. no one really knows anyone. they all say ya ok ill about it and they rarely get back to you. its only somewhat decent if u meet trough a friend, but then theres a problem with that. since were taught that ur not supposed to have any guy friends or talk to them , then the question arises where does your single friend know this guy from? why are they friends? no offense but pple can be very judgemental and nosy. so then theres online dating. some think only the loosers go there. some have actually found their better half there and some are still searching like me. so in today's world its kinda hard to find a decent way of meeting a guy. i think that its also hard to find a good guy these days. some of you will say, ah youre not looking in the right place, or he wasnt meant for you. maybe so but that doesnt mean that they can still possess some character traits and "get away" with it. ive been thru a couple of guys and ive seen some who are shallow. some who only care about looks and beauty. ive seen some who are selfish and cheap and dont really care about others. ive seen some who will just pretend its cool until they decide its not worth it for them anymore. ive seen guys and ive yet to find my prince. so if any of you have any light to shed please share it lol! Lauri8519@aol.com |
| Anonymous - 18 Dec 12AM |
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