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hi any married guys here who are considering divorce?
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you know what im talking about - u thinking about it? |
| By:
yankle770
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i'm considering not getting married. does that count? :-)
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SimpleMan 21 Oct 7PM
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Yankle:
As a divorced woman, somewhat older than you...I think that I can offer you some insight. Everybody has problems, and many people (wives too) consider divorce, think about greener grass and all the other things. You married, probably young ( as a Chabadnik), probably a shiddich and most likely you didn't know each other long or well...let alone know how to relate to the opposite sex and then ...suddenly the hormones are dealt with and you may or may not have anything in common to talk about and maybe the thoughts of other peaches growing on the tree are looking interesting.
How about learning to communicate with your wife. Speak to her, find out what she is feeling. I can't remember if on your profile you have kids or not. Regardless, please talk with your wife, explain your frustrations, your fears, your wishes and aspirations regarding a relationship ( in all spheres, don't hold back) BUT you MUST also ask her to be honest about her feelings, thoughts,dreams, fantasies, whatever (You can talk about whatever you want, you're married to each other). Listen to her; don't just hear her speak, listen to the words, ask her what is in her heart and tell her what is in yours, Please!! If that doesn't do the trick, court her, help her to see that you want to make it work...go to a marriage therapist (together or alone, if she doesn't want to or ask her to if you don't want to). Unless there is complete disrespect for each other and repulsion, or abuse (physical or emotional) there is a big window open for a creative and new relationship. Don't let years go by, or have an affair..you will not feel good about yourself, and you will sully your neshama and possibly spread disease. As one Toronto person to another...do your best, and by the way there are marriage courses...Rabbi AreyhPamensky is a world reknowned marriage course expert and he is in Toronto. Just call Aish Hatorah...they will direct you. First really try to make an effort and communicate with your wife that your thoughts are leading to divorce and maybe hers are too...find out what she is feeling and listen to her and communicate, take course, go for counselling....try all the avenues and then if you do divorce down the road...you will not have to go through the rest of your life wondering if you might have made it work. The grass is always greener on the other side, so please consider this advice.
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here I am 23 Oct 2PM
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